Tiki Bar Power Rankings

Batten down the hatches

Author

Jack
September 26, 2023

Setting aside, for a moment, the obviously problematic “colonial nostalgia” of it all, the tiki bar scene in SF is truly a cut above. Ignited by the success of the original Trader Vic’s in Oakland, tiki bar culture flourished across the US until whatever happened in the ‘80s and ‘90s, happened.

Today, SF is likely the undisputed king of the tiki bar scene. Whether it’s the city’s maritime history, it’s utter inability to look within, or the preponderance of residents who could probably use a rum floater, some top notch kitsch remains. Bottom’s up:

⚓️ Smuggler’s Cove / smugglerscovesf.com

The menagerie // image credit: me

Locally known as Smuggy, otherwise known as one of the best bars in the world, Smuggler’s Cove is hands down one of the coolest bars in the city, tiki or otherwise. Once you step inside the unmarked entrance, the stress of city life melts away among their 500+ types of rum on deck.

From the waterfall in the basement to the menagerie of floating shipwreck dangling from the ceiling you’ll almost forget you’re there to drink. Almost.

Order This ⬇️

  • Pain killer

  • Sidewinder’s Fang

  • Mai tai

Eat Here 🔗 Reservations: N/A | Order online: N/A | Map

NOTE: It’s tiny and well-known so unless you show up at a reasonable hour (read: 6pm) expect a hefty wait.

🗿 Tonga Room / tongaroom.com

Oh captain my captain // image credit: Fairmont Hotel

It would be blasphemous to talk about tiki bars without mentioning the OG. Are you in a lagoon? Are you in a boat? Is it raining? No, You’re at Tonga Room, a rum-infused twilight zone housed deep in The Fairmont on top of Nob Hill.

Although it does serve food, I’ve never made it there when eating was a socially unacceptable move. Plus, the band playing in the middle of the lagoon and overall humidity lend itself more to dancing than eating.

Order This ⬇️

  • A punch bowl of some sort

  • An ambulance

Eat Here 🔗 Reservations | Order online: N/A | Map

☠️ Last Rites / lastritesbar.com

Spookyyy // image credit: Eater SF

To be completely honest, this is a controversial pick. If you can dodge the outrageous wait and score a good table, Last Rites might actually be the best tiki bar in the city. The larger-than-life decor and extremely delicious drinks are undeniable.

If, however, you wandered over after stuffing yourself at Beit Rima, this might he more action than you need. In that case you might want to plunk down at Churchill Bar or Blackbird (or better yet, your couch).

Order This ⬇️

  • The menu changes quite a bit, so this is a choose-your-own adventure

Eat Here 🔗 Reservations: N/A | Order online: N/A | Map

Honorable Mentions

The sheer volume of tiki bars in SF means we need to make some room for the runners up: